Rediscovering Daily Writing
Previously I mentioned that years ago I had dabbled with the Artist’s Way exercise of writing three pages in the morning, but that the habit did not stick. Today, I felt compelled to try again, if only for a day. But, I decided to type instead of handwrite (I like handwriting, so the jury is still out on whether the medium matters to me…). I only got a few sentences into the exercise before the obvious finally occurred to me: three pages is really arbitrary. Three pages in a notebook is not the same as three pages in a doc on the computer. And even handwritten: notebooks are not all the same size. Some people (me) have larger script when writing by hand; on the computer of course, font size, line spacing, margins, et al can be different. So I dutifully googled and landed on a 750 word count as where I would set my target. And I turned on the word count feature in Google Docs so that I could watch it as I go (a lot like watching the clock tick up while climbing away on the StairMaster at the rec center)... 250 words, 500, getting closer…
Perhaps this is a good place to insert a personal statement: writing does not come easily to me. I have to work at it.
Photo by Chris Spiegl on Unsplash
I started the exercise with low expectations, writing, “I am sure that there will be many sentences that are simply, ‘I don’t know what to write.’” In the end, I didn’t actually write that (or a form of that) too often… shy of 700 words, I began to lose steam, but I got there. Deciding where to start, I considered whether this was to be merely an exercise in journaling and writing observations about myself - my feelings - or observations external to me, or if I would actually write for creativity.
I surprised myself a little: at the outset, I assumed that I would explore my feelings. That’s often a default of my writing exploration: “…why am I feeling this way?”. But I started with my surroundings. It was a cloudy morning (a bit out of character for Colorado). It was also fairly windy (not out of character for Colorado). Everyone was still asleep - or at least in bed; since we open up all the windows during the night to cool off the house, with a big enough wind gust, a door would slam closed. That was surely going to get others prematurely out of bed… This ended up being a sort of mindfulness activity.
I think I was avoiding, at least temporarily, observing and exploring my feelings. I needed to warm up to it. Anxiety was definitely lingering in my chest; I’m struggling with my confidence. Even as I write this now, the subconscious tick of my nervous leg beginning to bounce is there. What is it? Apprehension about the things that I am working through? Sharing it publicly, to be judged?...
Taking a detour…
Me
I am writing a blog post about my experience writing three pages as prescribed in the Artist's Way. I started to explore my own anxieties that I am currently working through. And I am finding myself stuck, especially with my comfort level of what and how to share in a blog post.
Reflective Rhythm
Writing three pages each day can be quite revealing, can’t it? It’s great that you’re exploring your anxieties through this exercise. When you think about what and how to share, what are you most concerned about? Are you afraid of being judged, or is it more about vulnerability?
Me
Yes, I think that I am afraid of being judged.
Reflective Rhythm
The fear of judgment is a common challenge many people face when sharing their personal stories. What aspects of judgment worry you the most? Do you think it’s related to specific people or a broader audience? Sometimes, framing your narrative in a way that’s more relatable can also help. How do you usually respond to vulnerability in others' stories you read?
Me
I'm not sure which aspects of judgment worry me the most. A therapist once told me, "You're going to be judged whether you like it or not. It's part of living in the world. We're all constantly making judgments, including of other people." My story is intended for a blog post—i.e., a broader audience. I like to think that I respond to others' vulnerability empathetically. We're all going through our own human experience.
Reflective Rhythm
Your therapist's perspective is quite enlightening—judgment is indeed a part of life. When you empathize with others' vulnerabilities, you acknowledge the shared human experience. Perhaps this same empathy can be extended towards yourself. What do you think might change if you approached your own vulnerabilities with the same empathy you offer others? How might this shift affect your comfort level in sharing your story with a broader audience?
…and I’m back.
I am building a business and feel immense pressure. Pressure to establish confidence in my abilities and to make the venture succeed. We have school-aged kids, and we often discuss the challenges and uncertainties in all areas of life with them. We analyze impactful decisions carefully, striving to balance our aspirations with stability, and ensure that we're progressing without jeopardizing our sense of security.
Exhale.
At the end of the day (err… morning writing exercise), I wrote 750 words (actually 766). It took me ~30 minutes. My first thought after that was, “well, if I do this every day, it better be well worth the time” - i.e. the ROI on the psychological benefit relative to the 30 minutes of precious time better be real and apparent. But after a little bit of time passed, I did find some of that same calm that I remember experiencing years ago when I tried this: a sort of lightness from clearing my brain and mental clutter, haphazardly dumping it onto a page with that being its sole purpose (for me) and the intention of never needing to go back and reread. Will I stick with it? I don’t know. I will try it for a few days at least, and see how far I get. Perhaps I tinker with the length requirement. I’m not long winded. Perhaps 500 words is more appropriate for me. We will see, we will see.
For anyone reading this, thank you. This has been cathartic.
